My Adolescent Romantic Comedy Is Incorrect As I Had Logically Proven
by SnowPlow
Summary: Yukinoshita Yukino's perspective on events in the series.
1. Volume 7 Chapter 9

_Note: The format of writing I used is close to the light novel style of writing to emulate the source material. Which character saying each dialogue is determined by context, though I will try to make it clear who is speaking._

_Many thanks to Spyro for translating the Oregairu light novels on BT.  
_

* * *

**_During the events of Volume 7 Chapter 9: His and her confession won't reach anyone_**

The night was cool, yet not Arctic. The wind blew silently, ruffling my hair. I and Yuigahama stood far back, though Hikigaya quietly walked toward the two who would meet.

"Hey, Yukinon, it will work out, right?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course it won't work out."

"Y-Yeah."

Ebina showed no interest in Tobe beyond the friendly level at all during the entire field trip, despite our best efforts. Neither did Ebina ever treat him that way in the past. Therefore, Tobe's confession would definitely fail. It was up to Hikigaya to make this work. Honestly, though, I doubt Hikigaya do anything but provide damage control.

Finally, Tobe and Ebina stood face-to-face. Tobe began studdering.

"U-um, you see, I..."

Ebina had an extremely cold expression and Tobe's shoulders were shaking violently. Anyone could see the logical outcome. What was to come next should have been as I had predicted.

"I've liked you since a long time ago. Please go out with me."

But Tobe kept his lips closed as those words were said. No, Tobe definitely did not say those words.

It was Hikigaya.

"I'm sorry. I don't really want to date anyone right now. No matter who confesses to me, I definitely won't go out with any of them. If that's all, I'll be going back now."

After Ebina said that, she quickly retreated, leaving Hikigaya and Tobe behind.I see. It was going to be a failed confession anyway. Therefore, Hikigaya confessed to Ebina before Tobe could. The result was the same. However, this meant Tobe would not have to suffer through a failed confession. And it's not like Hikigaya would be harmed by this. I see, so this was Hikigaya's plan, the result of his resolution. A logical conclusion.

So..

"Why?"

Why were my own shoulders shaking? Why am I so angry right now?

Hikigaya walked back to us. I glared at him.

"…I hate how you do things."

The words came out before I could take them back.

"I can't explain it very well and it's really irritating but… I really hate how you do things."

"Yukinon..."

Hikigaya took on the blame, just like during the festival. To him, it did not matter how he carried out as long as it provided a satisfying result. A complete disregard for morals, kindness or respect. The absolute worst plans. Hikigaya's methods.

"…I'll be going back first."

I turned around and headed away from them. My feet carried me quickly, as far away as possible. I didn't want to be there at all.

I always thought that I was a cold, logical machine - a logical monster. I thought that it wasn't possible for me to get worked up like this. And, I always thought that he desired something precious and unbreakable more than anything.

To be faced with the incarnate of what you thought you were was scary. But what was even worse was having the image of those in your sight being forcibly shattered and replaced with images stemming from those personal disillusionments.

I bit my lip and began sprinting away from Hikigaya Hachiman.


	2. Volume 8 Chapter 8

_**During the events of Volume 8 Chapter 8: Hikigaya Hachiman waits for an opportunity and speaks**_

"I won't. This is the best way."

I said that to Hikigaya as I sternly stared at him. I reconfirmed it with myself. Hikigaya's methods are wrong. Ignoring the pain of others, ignoring the pain of himself, Hikigaya has always solved problems this way. His methods are the worst possible. They solely fulfill the primary objectives. However, problems are seldom self-contained. For example, if your primary objective was to melt an ice cube, you had many options. One of these options is to use a bomb. While it could melt the ice cube, there would be property damage.

There is merit in putting the extra effort to make things right. There exists alternatives where no one gets hurt.

"...I won't either," I declared.

I bit my lips. I lamented the way this turned out.

"Yuigahama-san, there isn't a need for you to participate…"

"I will. And I don't plan on losing."

"Why even you as well…"

"…Because if Yukinon's gone, then we'll lose it… I don't want that."

Yuigahama's voice quavered. Even now, Yuigahama's resolution pricked my heart. She is usually timid and kid. For these few days, Yuigahama became assertive. Yet, she was still kind. The tipping point had been reached and she desperately tried to rebalance it.

It was partially my fault. The guilt in me lurched my stomach yet again. That was why it was necessary that I do this. This was to prevent further suffering and to prove Hikigaya wrong.

"I already said it before. That won't happen. That's why it shouldn't be necessary for you to participate."

"But…!"

I stared at Yuigahama. My will was absolute. Seeing my face, Yuigahama became speechless and looked down. I slowly closed my eyes. Yes, this is the way things should be. The situation will become perfectly resolved if I became president. Perhaps Hikigaya came to the club today to tell us that he is giving up. That is fine with me. It's for the best.

"In truth, there really isn't a need to participate in the election… Not just Yuigahama, but you as well, Yukinoshita."

But Hikigaya's words ran contrary to my expectations. My eyes burst open and I began gripping the hem of my skirt. I stared straight at Hikigaya.

"What do you mean?"

Is he still not giving up? Not even now?

"I believe I rejected your suggestions."

I gripped my skirt even harder. My body began shaking slightly. I looked down at the floor. This was going to be a repeat of that night in the bamboo forest. Hikigaya will put himself on the chopping board for the sake of results. However, I know what he will do this time. I definitely cannot let him do it.

That's why I will stop him this time.

"…Yeah. That's why I'm not talking about that one. That kind of stuff… I'm not doing it anymore," said Hikigaya.

I went silent. The resolution I reached just one second ago became dashed away. I became confused. Is he backing down? No, there must be a reason. Whenever he became involved in something, Hikigaya would always go through it to the end. It was part of his philosophy to reach the ending no matter what. I knew that for sure.

To my side, Yuigahama began questioning him.

"So… why is it okay for us to not participate?"

"Isshiki is willing to run for the student council president now. That's why the request itself doesn't exist anymore."

I stared wide-eyed at him. I felt extreme incredulousness. Does not exist anymore? Hikigaya, did he... what did he do?

"Why so suddenly?"

"Rather than suddenly," Hikigaya paused and pulled out some sheets of paper, "The premise was wrong in the first place."

Hikigaya paused for a second and recollected his thoughts. I thought that my method was the correct one. If I became student council president, then Isshiki Iroha would not have to become president. It did not have to be me, but, based on my observations, there is no one else more suited than myself.

But why? Did I miss something as I single-mindedly pursued this plan?

"It's not that Isshiki didn't want to be the student council president. What she didn't like was being elected as the unsightly student council president who won a vote of confidence in an election where it was obvious who would win."

Hikigaya passed the sheets out to us. I took them and skimmed them over one-by-one. Twitter. The pages showed tweets endorsing Isshiki for president, as well as other candidates. Most of the retweets were of Isshiki's endorsements. The massive amounts of retweets meant that Isshiki became a popular choice. She was no longer a leftover that was to be chosen because better main courses were unavailable. She became a main course herself.

And the one who did created these tweets was surely...

"Did you do this?" I asked.

"A volunteer probably did it. I don't know who, though."

"...I see."

It was surely Hikigaya. I did not press further as it did not seem he would be willing to admit it.

My thoughts accelerated. Out of all of the possibilities, I did not even once consider encouraging Isshiki to run for president. I believed that I had thought this through well. However, I missed this alternate path completely. But that's contradictory. Had I thought of absolutely everything, I would have considered what Hikigaya managed to do.

I realized it at that moment. I was blinded. I did not try to fulfill Isshiki's request solely as a service club duty. I took the scope and expanded it to include something else: proving that Hikigaya's methods were wrong. I tacked on something unnecessary. Eliminating the motivation of the request was something that Hikigaya would surely do, thus I self-consciously ignored it.

Hikigaya gathered up all of the pages and returned them to his bag.

"In order for Isshiki to become the student council president, all of the shackles that made up the conditions have been cleared. That's why… that's why there isn't a need for you two to become president."

Yuigahama sighed in relief beside me. Hikigaya's tense shoulders also relaxed. Once again, Hikigaya Hachiman has resolved the conflict. I remained silent. I alone remained dissatisfied at this outcome.

"I see."

I sighed. But why was I dissatisfied? I looked out the window. No, I already knew the answer.

"Then, both the problem and reason for me to act are gone..." I murmured.

"I guess that's how it is," said Hikigaya.

I closed my eyes. Even as I tried to prove his methods wrong, he found a better method. Surely, there was nothing wrong with his plan this time. Yet, something broke. But there was no way for Hikigaya to know.

"I thought it was something that was understood..." I muttered.

How could he know? After all, Hikigaya Hachiman was a monster of logic. It just so happened that he began to factor in the wellbeing of others in his plans, a new variable. However, simply keeping people safe was not enough to satisfy my own selfishness. Yes, I realized that what I sought was to get rid of these feelings from that night in the bamboo forest. I wanted to destroy that monster of logic. I wanted to seek for something deeper in Hikigaya Hachiman.

Perhaps that deeper thing did not even exist. What was Hikigaya Hachiman? All I saw was a small, yet capable man whose values will never intersect with mine.

I stood up.

"I'll go report to Hiratsuka-sensei and Meguri-senpai."

Yuigahama rocketed up from the chair, but I stopped her with an empty smile. I left the room quickly, just like how I left the forest at that time. I was running away.

I was mistaken the whole time. That time and this time, Hikigaya Hachiman turned out to be much different from what I expected. The image that I have of him now is not guaranteed to be the correct one either. Yet, I have to cling to this now. I thought I hated this the most. I probably do. But I have no choice. This worthless knowledge of Hikigaya Hachiman was all that I had.

Even now, I still did not understand the one called Hikigaya Hachiman.


	3. Between Volume 8 and 9

_**Soliloquy between Volume 8 and Volume 9**_

What was Yukinoshita Yukino?

When the door to the clubroom opened half a year ago, a dead fish-eyed boy entered along with Hiratsuka-sensei. His looks, while probably average, were completely ruined by those eyes. His personality was cynical, and it was undeniable that he was a loner. I thought nothing of one who belonged at the lowest stratum of society. Perhaps I thought that my light could enrich such a tiny vermin such as him.

During the Service Club's first job, we baked cookies in response to Yuigahama's request. Yuigahama's cooking skills were less than praiseworthy. I tried to teach her my culinary methods, yet nothing could be done to remedy it. But that was when he took action. He approached the problem from an angle that strayed from what was assumed to be the obvious. Rather than remedy Yuigahama's poor cooking skills, he suggested that she continued on with what was doing as the receiving party would surely be delighted at the thought of receiving cookies more than they would detest the taste.

Many other requests were brought to the Service Club following this one. For the vast majority, my hand played little part in the resolutions. It was all done by Hikigaya Hachiman. I realized that even the vilest vermin could resolve crises for it was the vermin who knew first-hand what it was like to be struck with trauma and grief. Yes, if vermin were to cast aside everything unnecessary and utilize the basest lessons obtained from these horrific past experiences, it was possible that they could think of actions that would have an enormous effect. A monster of logic.

In that case, what did that make me?

Noblesse oblige. That was what Hikigaya muttered under his breath at one point some time back. I cannot deny that I am beautiful and intelligent. This is not narcissism. At least it is not solely this. Those around me seem to agree with this opinion. Plentiful of evaluations have confirmed it. Therefore, it is considered fact. It should have been me, the one most highly regarded, that was best suited to help others. Yes, this was what I believed; it was my duty.

The results could not be further from my expectations.

Every time I tried to help others, reality became merciless and crushed my efforts.

Every time he tried to help others, the situation usually improved. Reality was in the palm of his hand.

Perhaps I should have happy that the scum of the world was producing results. In reality, I became angry during that time in the bamboo forest. In reality, my soul was crushed during the student council elections. I shouldn't have hated it, but I did.

What I should have hated were facades. That was one of the reasons why Yukinoshita Haruno was my greatest enemy. In my past, facades broke down the world around me and a certain person. Even now, I was unable to accept Hayama Hayato.

I was now embracing a facade even though I hated it. Day after day, we at the Service Club meet and talk about meaningless things. No progress is made. Nothing is resolved. A facade is no solution; it is an insulator that prevents anything from changing. Something broke during the student council elections, and now I was trying to protect the remnants. I was clinging onto something that was left.

But I couldn't help it. Perhaps being in company for a long time has dulled me. It was rare that someone ignored differences and looked at you honestly. That was why I could not turn away Yuigahama Yui. And, that was why I thought I saw something in Hikigaya Hachiman. I thought he and I understood something. But what did I understand? How many times have I rewritten my image of Hikigaya Hachiman? I laid out the dots to connect them, but the dots were in the incorrect position every time.

Yukinoshita Yukino was a genius princess, extended a hand to those who needed help, and valued the club that he was forced into.

And, Yukinoshita Yukino sought something true.

At the same time, Yukinoshita Yukino detested facades, yet willingly took hold of it; was bounded by her past; and could do nothing to those who reached out their hands.

And, at the same time, Yukinoshita Yukino still did not understand his motives and his ideals, nor the reasons behind them.

So what did this all amount to? I didn't know. All that I have brought up were past experiences and pieces of knowledge about myself, and even those contained contradictions. I could not synthesize them into anything meaningful. But it was probably that I couldn't bring myself to, otherwise I would lose the superficiality that I was so desperately clawing at.

Ah, I never did apologize to him about the accident. We haven't talked about much at all...


	4. Volume 9 Chapter 5

_**During Volume 9 Chapter 5**_

I bid farewell with Yuigahama and began walking down the street. The sun had almost completely set despite being not too late. The outside was becoming colder and colder. Frigid wind punctured straight through my thin blazer, chilling the pale flesh underneath. It was a sign of the coming winter.

Most people had already gone home by this time. The only ones left were people who attended clubs after school. They, too, must have finished theirs, and perhaps earlier than usual given the shortened days. These people walked side-by-side, cheerfully conversing about mundane things like manga or current events. However, what they discussed wasn't at all superficial even if unremarkable. Such people accompanied me down the street. Of course, I didn't mean that too literally; I walked alone while they indulged in their own companies.

Whenever I was alone, I liked to read books to pass the time. I recently finished a novel about a cat that went missing. I read it strictly for scientific purposes, so don't get me wrong. Sometimes I liked to take a trip to childhood and read simpler books like ones about Pan-san, not that there was any other meaning in that too. The number of books that I have read numbered hundreds, and my backlog never seems to diminish. Take from that what you will.

As much as I liked to read, there was no way I could do so now while walking down the road, as much as I would like to. Even a child could tell that would be foolhardy. You would be asking for a car accident to happen.

These days, however, it was becoming difficult for me to finish even a single book. Normally two or three days would suffice in scouring over a piece of three hundred pages. I make significant progress during club, but circumstances were causing me to stagnate my journey through words. The empty words that we conveyed and the acting stilled my hands.

No, I purposely stilled my hands. Even the very act of reading, which should have been what I enjoyed, became a part of the mask that we wore. How vile.

Frozen. How accurately does that word describe my book-reading. But it wasn't just in reading. I shivered a bit from the cool air. Japan was frozen too. But most importantly, most unfortunately, we, the Service Club, were frozen.

Isshiki Iroha came for a second request. Hikigaya Hachiman rejected her request on behalf of the Service Club. However, Hikigaya Hachiman accepted her request on his own, apart from the club. Thanks to this, Hikigaya has been leaving club early. With just Yuigahama and I, we would fall silent every time he left.

Walking down the street led me straight to the mall. That was natural as I intended to go into the bookstore inside. I thought I would be more excited at purchasing the next book in a certain series that I became interested in. I had been looking forward to reading it for months, yet, at the present, the thought of reading it did not stir in me any joy. Well, I was already there, so I continued onward regardless.

I parted the glass double doors and stepped onto the red matted carpet. Jingle bells. The mall was flourishing with winter and Christmas vibes. Countless decorated pines, tinsel, wreathes, and stockings lined up every nook and cranny of the mall. Stores were redecorated as per the holidays, having themes of red and green. Christmas carols were being played over the speakers in place of the usual random baroque, classical or romantic pieces. Youth excitedly paraded through, looking at every shop, scavenging for holiday sales, perhaps buying them as gifts. Even the older generation, the adults and seniors, were looking more upbeat today, possibly due to getting a time off. The atmosphere was definitely warmer than usual. For me, though, it was stuffy. There were too many people, which I highly disliked. I needed to hurry to the bookstore where it was less crowded to escape an oncoming headache.

I entered the Christmas-themed bookstore in hopes of escaping the crowd. However, no solace existed in there, to my disdain. The bookstore was also densely packed with people. This couldn't have been in any way healthy. I could already feel the headache coming.

I squeezed my way through to the section I needed to go to, while picking up a certain panda book on the way. I lost count of the amount of times I bumped into someone and said sorry to them. If I had came with someone, I would definitely have lost them in the crowd by now. Then, I would have to waste time trying to find them afterward. See, it was less bothersome being alone.

After I purchased everything I wanted, I left the store. The crowd of people lessened in density by a quarter or so by now. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I headed to the escalator and went down, carrying my shopping bag of books, as well as my personal bag. It was a slightly heavier load than usual, but I would be able to manage to walk to my apartment. It's not like I was a sheltered princess.

At the base of the escalator, I walked forward. Suddenly, my eyes met with a certain person's. He was holding a plastic bag full of KFC food in addition to his own bag. His appearance did not particularly stand out, which was, sadly, an overstatement. His dead fish eyes crippled his what would be an average appearance. The expression he wore was a little more depressed than usual, if that was even possible. However, to the passing onlooker, it wouldn't mean anything, and he would probably just be ignored whether he was sad or happy. Why did I pick out such an uninteresting guy in such a crowd of much more interesting-looking people?

That was because that boy was Hikigaya Hachiman.

We stopped. It was too awkward to ignore each other and pass by once we had seen each other like this. Our feet were planted on the ground for a while. The stream of people around us did not end even with two roadblocks in place. People walked past Hikigaya as if veering away from an obstacle. People walked past me and sometimes stole a glance at my figure.

Finally, Hikigaya began opening his mouth.

"Yo," he greeted meekly.

I slightly averted my eyes.

"Good evening," I said in response.

I awkwardly adjusted my clothes. Meeting together here at this time was a little unsettling. After all, Hikigaya had been leaving early from the club these past few days, as well as today.

Hikigaya seemed to be at a loss of words. His contorted mouth and darting eyes formed an incredibly dumbfounded expression. Likely, he never expected us to meet in a place like this. That thought was the same as mine too. Perhaps I had a similar expression as his on my face, but I couldn't tell.

Hikigaya quickly brought up something random to say.

"Oh, uh, you shopping just a moment ago?"

"Yes. But, what are you doing here at a time like this?"

Even though Hikigaya had to leave early, leisurely strolling around in the mall only two hours after he left seemed very abnormal. Indeed, the most logical conclusion would be that he had grown tired of our meaningless exchanges at club and had left early to escape it all.

"I- no, well, there were things that I had to do," muttered Hikigaya.

Of course, that hypothetical reason would be the conclusion of an outsider. However, I knew the real reason why Hikigaya had been leaving early the previous days as well as today.

I fixed my gaze at Hikigaya.

"I see... so, you've been helping Isshiki Iroha all this time?" I stated.

Hikigaya looked taken aback, but only a little, and answered, "Well, there were a few circumstances and all..."

Hikigaya did not seem as perplexed as I thought. As expected, he had likely foreseen my prediction.

The jig was up. The true reason why Hikigaya had been leaving earlier has been brought to light. However, it wasn't a shining victory for me. It was a shameful admittance that neither brought me joy, nor improved the situation by even a little bit.

"You know, you didn't have to lie about Komachi," I said.

"No, that wasn't necessarily a lie," he quickly responded.

"I see. Yes, I suppose that wasn't a lie," I murmured.

Earlier Hikigaya had given the reason that he needed to help his sister with studying when saying why he needed to leave early. It wasn't untrue, yet it did not tell the whole story. It wasn't a lie, but, at the same time, it was deception. Of course, both I and Yuigahama saw his true intent.

I adjusted my muffler and, once again, averted my eyes. Again, Hikigaya Hachiman shouldered everything by himself. During those times in the bamboo forest and during the student council elections, he did what I hated. He did what I could not prevent.

"Sorry," apologized Hikigaya.

I gripped my bag tightly. What need was there for him to apologize? He has done nothing inherently wrong all this time. Was he sorry for not fulfilling his duties at the Service Club? Did he take something from me? How could I be sure that the answer to these were a resounding "no"? Genuinely understanding another person was something I've never thought of doing in the past.

And, because I didn't understand, I reflexively attempted to refute it. To harshly push it away. That was why my next words came out before I could stop them.

"Did you think that you needed my permission?" I asked.

Hikigaya made a painful expression, then quietly replied, "N-No, just confirming."

Hikigaya shrank back. In the past, our exchanges, as harsh as they were, were mere jests. The words I spoke just now were similar to those jests, yet the motivation was very different. Hikigaya seldom ever retreated. Yet, he retreated now.

I could easily identify the objective factors that make up each event. Why something happened was always due to some reason. It was logical. Yet, the reasons themselves could, at times, be illogical. Humans always make the most illogical, most inefficient methods due to their emotions and sense of morality. It was always difficult for me to identify these illogical reasons.

"There's no need for you to apologize. Besides, Isshiki-san won't be as anxious working with you."

I told Hikigaya that first reason, the most obvious one for me, why he would choose to help Isshiki Iroha for the second time. Of course, that didn't explain why he did not ask us, the Service Club, to help her out as well — the more efficient path.

"If it's you, then you can definitely help her out. It's always you who solved the problems."

But Hikigaya knew about these illogical reasons. That was why he was able to forcibly shatter the hearts of elementary school students in order to stop the bullying. That was why he was able to convince the unwilling Sagami to finish her duties. I was wrong. Hikigaya was not a monster of logic. In his grasp, his understanding, were all types of reasons — logical and illogical. He was a monster of reason.

Hikigaya bluntly replied, "I never really solved anything. I always did it by myself because I was alone."

Hikigaya scratched the side of his head and readjusted the bag in his hands and added, "I could say the same for you."

That was incorrect.

"No, that definitely isn't true," I interjected.

You have what I don't have. The entire textbook is at your fingertips, while only the index is available to me.

"I just pretended that I could solve them. I never understood a thing," I added.

"Hey, Yukinoshita..." muttered Hikigaya.

But another problem was already present. How should I respond to Hikigaya's decision in helping Isshiki? Even if I didn't understand anything before, I needed to try to understand Hikigaya's reason to act now. Then, I could take, as suitable as possible, a course of action. That was the least that I could do for the useless me.

I needed to go through what I knew. Following Hikigaya's self-destructive act in the bamboo forest, we got the first request from Isshiki. If nothing was said, Hikigaya would have probably used those terrible methods again. I didn't know why, but I hated those methods. Therefore, I chose to try to become president to stop that. In the end, Hikigaya enacted a Twitter plan, one that was unlike his previous methods, and one that prevented any of us from getting hurt. Of course, that plan also stopped me from becoming president. The relationship between the members of the Service Club became exactly what I hated: meaningless, superficial, cold.

After that incident, Isshiki came for another request. Hikigaya refused on behalf of the Service Club, but he personally began helping Isshiki. He purposely rejected the most efficient path of having the whole club help him.

I thought and thought. I dissected those facts and tried to use as much as my knowledge as possible on connecting those events with why Hikigaya decided to help Isshiki alone. I narrowed down the possible reasons, and, after much deliberation, I finally came down to one conclusion. It was an extremely simple answer, and I felt confident in it.

Of course, now that I had a reason, the action that I needed to take became clear. What I needed to do was obvious.

"Why don't you take a break from club for a while? You- you're being considerate, right? You don't need to do that."

Hikigaya rejected my conclusion, "It's not like I'm being considerate..."

However, I stood firm, "You don't need to force yourself."

Yes, Hikigaya Hachiman was also nice. I ignored that fact while wallowing in my own emotions. I couldn't see anything, but at least that was what I was definitely sure of.

He and I never were bound by anything. Maybe we could have, but I ended it myself, with my own selfishness. Perhaps he only stayed in the Service Club out of a sense of duty. In that case...

"For it to come down to this from something like that, that means that was all that it was, right? Hikigaya-kun, you don't need to force yourself to come anymore," I ended.

I turned away without letting Hikigaya reply. I did not let him respond. Perhaps he is needed elsewhere, like with Isshiki. I couldn't let him be shackled by me.

I strolled out into the winter night. The moon was hidden behind clouds. The coldness bit into my hands and steeled my legs. I sniffled twice and wiped my nose with my sleeve, an unusually uncouth act for me. My apartment was not that far from here, and my load was light, yet I stood still and didn't feel like moving.


End file.
